File No. 921, titled Meltdown, has us examining the case of a Mr. Jack Snow, aka ‘Frosty’ to the business community, due to Mr. Snow being the proprietor of Jack’s Cool Treats, a company that distributes snow-cones, ice cream sandwiches, and other freezer-type goodies.
A single man in his mid-40s, up until most recently that is, when a chancy meeting at a local fundraiser had him chatting with a Miss Barb Barker. Miss Barker, aka ‘Ma,’ a nickname she picked up as proprietor of Barb’s Bad Ass Bikinis and swimwear, along with Barb’s propensity to use camouflage type patterns, as well as dated photographs of badass gangsters Al Capone and Bugsy Malone, on all her custom garments.
Jack owns an older home, which during the winter months displays all the charm of a Hallmark Christmas card, complete with icicles hanging from the roof edges, and windows panes so completely frosted up, it requires a heavy breath, followed by the persistent rubbing of the side of one’s fist, in order to create a porthole of sight.
With an average indoor temperature of about 15 C, our Mr. Snow was true to his name, and lived quite comfortably in his inefficiently cold house by simply adding a sweater, and tossing another log in the woodstove, should things get really chilly outside.
However, with Barb looking to move in with Jack, these frosty living conditions were all about to change.
Unbeknownst to Mr. Snow, tropical- or bathing suit-type individuals aren’t big on layering, and are somewhat unfamiliar with the habit of donning a sweater when temperatures drop outside. Conversely, when challenged by a cool draft, sun people are more likely to simply reach for the thermostat, where temperatures can be magically bumped up to a more agreeable climate range.
Understanding that earning and keeping Ma Barker’s love is going to require a little more than simply lavishing her with Eskimo pies, and if there’s to be any chance of a future Mrs. Snow, these present living conditions are going to ironically require more heat.
In an older, drafty home, keeping things toasty warm is like trying to preserve water in a colander.
So, how is Jack to transform a home that has all the heating efficiency of a 100-year-old barn, into a tropical climate zone, without dedicating 90 per cent of his present housing budget towards heating fuel?
One, Jack’s going to have to seal up the cracks and draft areas.
And two, this home is going to require some attic insulation.
As we approach the winter months, the opportunity to caulk around windows and doors becomes a little more challenging because caulkings and paints are best applied when temperatures are at least 10 C. So, when that 12 C to 15 C day pops up in October/November, have a case of caulking at the ready.
Where to caulk? Any crack or seam where one product, such as your window and door casings, meets another, such as your vinyl or brick siding.
Next, an area notorious for heat loss is the space around your exterior doors. So, check the flexible, rubber strips attached to the base of your steel slab. If these pliable fins are worn, or perhaps even non-existent if the door is 10 to 15 years old, then this is an easy fix to a real draft problem.
Best bet, remove the door sweep altogether, then bring it to your local building supply dealer in order to assure yourself that you’re buying a comparable sweep. The same strategy applies to the weather stripping around the door frame. If it’s worn, remove a small piece, then bring this sample with you to show the salesperson.
Next, seal your exterior wall outlets and ceiling fixtures. The exterior wall outlets can be sealed with pre-cut plug and switch foam gaskets, while any gaps around ceiling fixtures or pot lights can be filled with the appropriate-sized foam baker rod.
Next week, file No. 921 continues as we insulate the attic.