Oil’s well? Go seal that deal

A recent conversation regarding the subject of how to seal and protect decking lumber had a fellow instructing me the most effective thing on the planet was oil.

“Like an oil-based paint or stain?” I inquired.

“No” the fellow said. “Engine oil or cooking oil, brushed or swabbed on with a mop twice yearly, that’s all you need.

“And best of all, it’s free” the fellow concluded.

“Free oil?” I questioned.

“Yes,” the fellow continued, “you just stop by the auto-repair shops, or the French fry huts, or maybe you know somebody in the restaurant biz, they’re always looking to dump their used oil somewhere.”

This mention of a used-oil strategy did conjure up a memory dating back to my early days in retail, with the suggestion motor oil be could be used on unfinished hardwood, in the case of a bar-type of environment, due to the muddy or snow filled boots entering the premises.

“So,” I hesitated, looking to choose my next question wisely, thereby dismissing my naïveté regarding a subject to which this fellow, an older gentleman as you may have guessed, regarded as common sense and accepted general knowledge. “I suppose colour scheme, tint, texture, or any type of consistency or expectancy regarding finish, is somewhat hit and miss.

“Plus,” I needed to be clear on at least one point, “do you mix the old French fry oil with the used motor oil? Or, are the two incompatible?”

“Oil is oil” my senior friend said, “and, it doesn’t matter how you mix it.”

“What about cleanliness?” I asked. “And, isn’t used oil filled with various debris, and overall kind of filthy?”

“Sometimes you get some small nuts and bolts in the mix, or burnt French fries in the batch, but it doesn’t matter” the fellow confirmed. “You just slap it on, and the heavy stuff falls in the grass, or in the river (because oils are great for docks as well), and if there’s food matter in the mix, well— the birds will eat it or pick it off the decking planks.”

So, with that charming visual certainly rationalizing the strategy of choosing used oils, even though actual certification, or recorded study regarding the effectiveness of the used-oil process was most likely lacking, the concept was simply left as an undocumented possibility.

Now, you may ask, how could the seemingly crazy idea of procuring used oils, regardless of whether the oil was claimed from the fryer at Frank’s Fries, or drained from the oil pan of a 1972 Pontiac Parisienne, possibly be viewed as a serious wood-sealing alternative?

Because, as my friend referenced with fact, “paints peel.”

True enough, paints and stains do peel.

Maybe the peeling is related to poor timing, in that it rains the next day. Maybe it was too cold, or too sunny, which had the stain drying before it had the chance to properly adhere to the wood. Or, perhaps the wood’s surface hadn’t been cleaned, or hadn’t been sanded, or was saturated with moisture.

Regardless, paints and stains seem to peel a little too often.

So, with used oils having zero to little chance of peeling, could such a product really be considered as a viable alternative to regular paints and stains? I’m not sure.

The customer would have to accept a yellowish type of tint, depending on the age of the fry oil, or viscosity of the engine oil, with colour essentially differing from batch to batch.

Product texture? Totally dependent on what fry bits and bites are left once the birds have at it.

Product safety? Although used oils aren’t technically flammable, they are combustible, which means there’s little chance of a problem, unless somebody discards a still-burning cigarette, spills the charcoal grill, or drops a birthday cake filled with candles.

So, avoiding carnage might mean installing the appropriate “No Smoking” and “Handle flammables with care” signage in designated areas.

Good building.

As published by the Standard-Freeholder
Handyman's Hints Standard-Freeholder Cornwall Ontario by Chris Emard

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