Really, ya gotta be kidding me

Really! There’s no Santa Claus. Ya gotta be kidding me… was my surprised response upon learning this unfortunate fact.

But, even as a child, I accepted the storyline as being well intentioned.

Then, I was told professional wrestling wasn’t real. Ya gotta be kidding me, I stated once again. This time, however, I was totally devastated, and to this day, still suffer from the trauma of that enlightenment.

Today, in the world of retail biz, we use the phrase “Ya gotta be kidding me” all the time, although mostly in thought, and usually due to misconceptions or poor decisions made by homeowners regarding house improvements and maintenance.

Case in point, and docket #322 on the customer file, male Caucasian, somewhat passed middle age, looking to resurface, or possibly rebuild, his multi-tiered deck and walkway platform.

Issue, existing treated lumber surface is looking quite worn, having succumbed to 25 years of weathering and repeated attempts to paint or stain.

Status? Person is well groomed, pulls into our parking driving a 7 series BMW sedan, and has a deep tan. Not the peeling nose, five day, discounted air fare trip to Cuba type colouring, but a real, several weeks or months spent in Florida kind of pigment.

If I had to guess, this guy has most probably not seen a winter in years, and obviously moisturizes. Location of home in question? Waterfront, as in St. Lawrence River, real big ship water, as opposed to Mulberry Creek, all you need is a pair of rubber boots to cross, or large puddle in the backyard, type of stuff.

With this information, we can further conclude that this fellow is neither the head patty flipper at Bob’s Burger Bonanza, or has recently pulled a sidewalk camp out, in order to secure his spot on the front line of Walmart’s last midnight madness, door crasher event.

Nope, and as far as I can see, we’re talking pure executive status. “So”, I begin with this fine gentleman, “what type of decking material were you thinking of resurfacing your deck and walkway with?”

“I’m thinking treated lumber”, the fellow said, “but instead of the green stuff, I think we’d like to consider the new brown coloured decking, that, with a coat of sealer every other year, ought to look pretty good, don’t you think?”

Ya gotta be kidding me, was my only thought. Executive fellow, living in an executive home, and his thoughts are to replace his existing, crappy deck boards, decking planks he’s toiled with for the past 25 years, sometimes sanding, always either painting or staining, with nothing better than an updated version of the same stuff.

Ya gotta be kidding me. Now, there’s obviously nothing wrong with building a deck using treated lumber, whether it be green or brown. And, if you’re a 20, or 30, or 40 something year old, building your first deck, or budget wise, require the simple pleasure of a modest backyard platform and railing system, then treated lumber is most likely your best choice and value.

However, if this isn’t your first deck, or you have the financial capacity to go with something better, and due to your mature stage in life, have fewer weekends ahead of you, than what you have already under your belt, then you’ve got to treat yourself to spending your golden years on a composite deck.

Composite or solid PVC decking is expensive, ranging anywhere from 8-10 dollars per square foot for the premium products and colours.

However, when it comes to finish, even wood enthusiasts, and I’m one of them, admit composites look several times better than even a stained cedar.

“If I had a small deck, I’d go composite, but with such a large surface to cover, I thought treated lumber would be the best option” was his thinking.

Wrong. The bigger the deck, the more work regarding maintenance, and all the more reason to go composite. Next week, why composites make cents.

Good building

As published by the Standard-Freeholder
Handyman's Hints Standard-Freeholder Cornwall Ontario by Chris Emard

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